Update!

I know, I know. I haven't written on here in a while, like I said I was going to be doing. There are many reasons for that, so please allow me to explain. : -)

First of all, school took over my life until last Monday night, when I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Biblical Studies from Moody Bible Institute. I am very thankful that part of my life is over and that, once my diploma comes in the mail in a few weeks, I'm officially a college graduate! Hooray!

Second of all, I was busy preparing for the International Christian Retail Show that took place July 12-15th in Denver, CO. The show went very well, and I know that God is going to open doors for ministry because of it. Thank you so much to those who were praying for me before and during my trip! I definitely felt - and needed - your prayers! Please continue to pray for me, as I diligently seek the Lord's wisdom regarding employment and the direction of the ministry, now that I have graduated and look to start a new season in life. Getting a job is not as simple for me as for some (though in this economy, getting a job is not simple for anyone!), as I have many things to take into consideration, especially quality, or even availability, of health insurance. Honestly, the whole process is just not fun and can be very emotionally-taxing at times.

Finally, a lot has happened between John and I since the beginning of the summer, and I really wasn't sure how to "update" all of you at times when things were changing almost daily at one point. In any case, I still can't say a ton now, but please know that your prayers are greatly appreciated. John and I are very much a part of each others' lives and no longer on a "break", as the Lord made it pretty clear to both of us (well, to John...I've always been rather sure) from the beginning of the summer that we're to be together. We've both learned a lot this summer, though, about ourselves and our desperate need for Him individually, not just corporately. It is those lessons that have made us a stronger couple and given us confirmation that our love is from Him and Him alone, that we'll never complete each other and, above all, that we will always need the Lord more than the affection of the other. As we continue to seek His face, we covet your prayers and look forward to announcing more about our future very, very soon. : -)

Amber

My Prayer

Lord,
I'm restless. You know that. Please, Father, continue to help me focus on YOU this Summer and not on how it's all going to pan out. I need you, Father! I do so well, and then through my own choices and my relentless mind, I stumble and fall....and I make things worse for myself. Lord, You know my heart. You know that ultimately I want Your will and not my own. Please help me to be an advocate of hearing Your voice, and most importantly, of listening when I hear. Jesus, thank you for loving me when I am so unlovable, when I'm off-focus and far from where You want me to be. Please guide my steps, my words....everything, Lord. I need You. I don't know what else to say tonight. Thank you for being so faithful to me, for continually showing me Your love, for helping me see that Your plans are higher than mine, as well as Your thoughts (Is. 55). Jesus, when I'm restless, when I miss John the most, please point my thoughts back to YOU. Please help me to not deny my emotions but at the same time not be ruled by them. Help me to know what is of you and what is not; Lord, discernment is what I grave...please give me wisdom and then the ability to follow through with what I know You've said. Jesus, I screw-up so much, but yet You are faithful to your wayward children, to me. Oh, how I love you Father and don' t know sometimes how You put up with me! : -)

I call You, Faithful, Lord! You have been so faithful to me....

Jesus Is Good To Me

I honestly don't remember what "day" it is on my journey, although I have a pretty good guess since it hasn't been that long, but I'm moving past merely counting days and onward to what Jesus has for me, for my summer.

I just have to say that God's presence is so much better than anything I've ever experienced. I should remember that from four summers ago, but this time, I'm learning it in a new, deeper way of sorts. No, I am not struggling for every breath like I was before, but I am having to daily give up my inhibitions and conform them to God's will. The summer of 2005, I didn't really have a strong will. I couldn't really breathe, let alone think about doing much else. Today, though, I have all of my inhibitions and a very, very strong will. A will that has strayed many times in the past year, a will that is daily re-conforming itself to Christ through discipline, and most of all, because of His grace that He extends to me in measures that are far beyond what I deserve.

At the end of the day, I love Jesus Christ. I love how faithful He is to me, how much He desires my fellowship, how sacrificially He loves me even when I am so filthy and unlovable. In simple terms, Jesus is so very good to me.

Micah 6:8 is the simplest way I can state what God's will is for my life right now:

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?" (AMP)

You see, I don't have the answers to my summer. Only God does, and I'm beginning to realize the answers don't lie in a decision of whether or not I'm getting married but instead in how much of Him I will delight. Psalm 37:4 has always been one of my favorite Scriptures, and I'm coming back to its timeless truth once more:

It says, "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart."

I am once again desiring in the LORD and not in any functional Saviors, including the love of another human being....and in-turn, He's truly giving me the desires of my heart. My desire is His presence above all else...

Amen.

"I Will Rise"

I didn't want to go to church today. Well, let me clarify -- my church. I had planned all week not to go, to avoid the inevitable....but God saw it otherwise and convinced (after a 20 minute argument with Him, which He won, as always) me to go. I'm so thankful He did. Oh, how the Lord is always up to something.

I was thinking about a song this morning by Chris Tomlin called I Will Rise and then found out in Sunday School that we would be singing that very same song in the main service, the song Jesus used to prompt me to face my fears and worship where I have for 23 years.

The song goes like this:

I Will Rise
Verse 1:

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an Anchor for my soul
I can say, it is well

Pre-Chorus:
Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

Verse 2:
There's a day that's drawing near
when this darkness breaks to light
and the shadows disappear
and my faith shall be my eyes

Chorus:
And I will rise
when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise

Bridge:
And I hear the voice of many angels sing
Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the cry of every longing heart
Worthy is the Lamb!

And I hear the voice of many angels sing
Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the cry of every longing heart
Worthy is the Lamb!
You are worthy! You are worthy!
Worthy is the Lamb!

Final Chorus:
I will rise
when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise....
I will rise....
______________________________

I can't begin to explain to you how healing that song was for me. The past couple of days, I have been learning that sitting around and counting down the days until some supposed decision is made is not productive. No, I still don't have a say in which way the decision will go, but I do have a say in what I do with my time in the meantime. I can either sit here and pine, or I can do something greater, something that will take every thing within me -- I can let it go.

No, I don't know how to do that at this point. I am not saying that I am denying my emotions or acting as if I no longer care. Far from the case. Wouldn't you care if it was your life? I thought so. Acting as if whatever is decided does not matter to me is not what I am talking about. It does matter to me. It always will, one way or another...but there's something greater in me that matters, my desire to conform my will to His.

After all, Oswald Chambers once said, "The most profound thing in a person is his will, not his sin." So, I ask you (and myself), what is my will striving after? Is it the Lord? Is it a diamond ring? Is it my degree through Moody...or is it Jesus Christ and His presence? I learned four years ago that my life is not in my control, yet somehow, there are times I still think it is. There are times I think I can will things to happen. I do have a strong will, after all, right? Well, yes, but last time I checked, God was still sovereign over that will and commanding that I conform it to His.

As I do this, I join the chorus that sings "Worthy is the Lamb", as the song says. The times I am stubborn and prideful and long to will my own life into place, I am not being obedient. I am just flat-out being sinful and full of nasty, Holy Spirit-hindering pride. I don't want to live that way, no matter if I live alone the rest of my life or not.

I pose to myself (and you) the same question Oswald Chambers posed to his readers so long ago and follow it up with his statement that goes with the question:

"Do I believe that Almighty God is the Source of my will?
God not only expects me to do His will, but He is in me to do it."

Amen.

"Death Is Not Dying"

"The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever."
-- John Piper

Summer 2009: Days #1-4 (well almost) are over.

Today I am pondering a video I watched earlier this afternoon (when I discovered my school's website was down - too bad) called Death Is Not Dying. I encourage all of you to take an hour or so out of your day sometime soon and watch (or listen) to Rachel, a young wife and mother explain that not only is she dying from cancer (as of March 4th, she was given 6-18 wks to live) but that she is not defined by her cancer but instead Jesus. Yes, I realize the video is 55 minutes long, but it's worth it. I promise.

Rachel's outline is:
1. Know God
2. Know Yourself
3. Know the Gospel
4. Know Your Purpose

Tears came to my eyes as I watched, as I thought of my own life and my own death.

So, as I sit here in my office and start my personal journey this summer with Jesus, I deal with fear #1.

#1: Dying Alone
Honestly, I don't want to die alone, i.e without a spouse. I don't want to die with just my parents, although I love them dearly and realize I could never repay them for everything they've done for me and know they'd do it for me again in a heartbeat....I just don't want to watch them suffer again. I don't want that burden to be upon them once more, yet I know with or without a husband it will indefinitely be.

Now, let me make it clear: as of now I am not dying (well I am, but y'know what I mean). I may have EBV, but I am certainly far from my grave, or maybe not...only the Lord knows. All I know is that my God-given desire of wanting to be "one" with another as soon as possible stems partly from knowing that my death will most likely be much sooner than my peers, from knowing myself and knowing how much I love physical touch, especially when I'm hurting (physically and/or emotionally), but most of all, from longing to bring the Lord glory through a Christ-centered marriage -- no matter how long He allows me to be here on earth.

I realize, though, that the marriage may never come. I may indeed have to face death with my parents and loving friends by my side, without ever being known fully (mind, body & soul) by another human being. I realize I may never be blessed with the privilege of being a wife and that I may be saying goodbye to the man I love after this summer and watching him find the one to whom he shall cling for the rest of his days. As I type this, I am saying to myself, "Amber, isn't all the Lord has done for you enough? What more do you want?". I admit....I selfishly at times want more....yet I know that the nearness of my God is my good (Psalm 73:28), no matter what. No matter what.

I will not pretend to act as if I am not in love with another, that I do not long for oneness with a man who loves Christ and me, as well...but, at the end of the day, that love that brought us together was founded upon Jesus - the Author and Finisher of my faith - and I know that He is sovereign over it. He can choose for us to not enter a marriage. I simply don't know. I go back and forth between wanting to remain positive and preparing myself for life without John after this summer. I have never been very good at balance, so trying to remain neutral on this issue so close to my heart is proving rather taxing.

I am falling back in love with Jesus, the One who knows me better than myself. No, I never left my First Love and have actively sought His wisdom through the past year, but I also know that my affections have at times been directed more so at my human desire instead of my Heavenly Father. I am human. I do not pretend to be otherwise. I love John, yet I've always loved Jesus more and now have to put my "proper theology of suffering" to practice -- every hour of every day. It is only Day #4, after all. There are many, many summer nights to go.

So, today I reflect on the simple fact that I will never have to worry about dying alone. Jesus is here. My family is here. I have been blessed with the most Godly, gracious friends on the planet; they will be there, too. I am scared at times. I do cry. I am not superwoman, as I said in Breathtaking. I am just as human as anyone else, full of emotions and always trying to find the balance between acknowledging them and being ruled by them. And for now, I rest calmly in the arms of Jesus, the One who never changes and loves me for who I am, now and forever.

To John (if he ever reads this):
As I wrote to you in my journal today, I miss you...but I leave you with Jesus and ask for His divine revelation in your life today, not that He'd tell you to marry me but instead that He'd just show you His presence. That, as we have always agreed, is far much more than we could ever ask.


By His grace,
Amber

Summer 2009: A Summer To Remember!

I'll start blogging on here later this week. Thanks for wanting to walk this journey with me, as I embark on my "summer to remember".....our God is faithful!

Simplicity

Sorry it's been so long. There's so much I could say about the last several months of my life, but for now, I'll keep it simple....

Jesus is Enough.

He's enough for me, for you, for the world. He always has been, is now and always will be....Hebrews 13:8 promises us that. I could divulge all of my secrets, all of my fears/hurts, but instead I choose this day to stand at the foot of the Cross and lay it all down, knowing He's been holding me the whole time waiting for me to drop my baggage off and stand in His marvelous grace.

What is He asking of you today?

What Brings Me Joy

What Brings Me Joy...

• Spending time with the Lord, being still and knowing that He is God.
  
• When my email inbox is, for the most part, caught-up!
  
• Making a to-do-list and getting to check things off
• Spending time with those who truly know me for ME, and want to talk to me not just because I have been on television or speak on behalf of the Lord
  
• Writing in my Moleskine
  
• Driving my 2001 Mazda Protege E.S...oh, how I love you "Sandy"
  
• Talking to dozens of people a day about our awesome Lord and His sovereignty and goodness
• Talking on the phone with others who truly love Jesus and "get" what life is about
• Working out at my local Curves
  
• Hearing "I love you" from my best friends and the man God has called me to love
• Learning how to love said man better; being refined in the process
• Mt. Dew, yes, at times it does bring me joy :)
• Pictures in my office
• Post-it notes
  
• Sending out copies of Breathtaking
  
• Traveling the country to proclaim a 'proper theology of suffering'
• Breathtaking deeply for His glory and taking one day at a time.
  

No One Ever Told Me...

No One Ever Told Me....

• 3 years after my transplant, I would be living a life I could have only dreamed, and better yet, completely in the center of God's will in doing so.
  
• My 'pipe dream', as it was named, of me being on Life Today would become a reality after 3 years of fasting/praying and honestly sometimes doubting it would happen. THANK YOU, LORD!
  
• That starting a ministry was going to be this much of an emotional roller coaster
• That I could have a love-hate relationship with my visionary spirit, a spirit that just wasn't content with writing Breathtaking but now is calling me to more
  
• That I would have dreams in my sleep about doing administrative tasks after I spent a whole day doing so in real life
• That my biggest weaknesses (aka administrative duties) would be turned into semi-strengths not because I want to work on them but because I have no choice!
  
• That getting federal tax-exemption status is emotionally-taxing, especially for one who would rather just sit and dream up ideas instead of actually having to be the one to not only come up with the vision but also implement it, as well
• That I would be given the opportunity to really see my crazy dreams come true, that the responsibility in doing so would be so humbling and exhilarating at the same time
• That the Lord would choose to use me in such an awesome way for His Kingdom, and in doing so, teach me that wanting to my hidden (until the past few months) desires to just be a wife and mom and not necessarily to speak to the masses is just as God-honoring and refining as if I'm on the road 365 days a year.
• I would have to re-learn at 22 yrs. of age that God really does love me not for what I do for Him but instead because I just love Him and long to devote my entire life to Him, that I would have to daily remind myself that my works don't save or sanctify me
  
• I may really could have BOTH a family of my own and a ministry - that I don't have to pick, that God can get glory out of me doing both instead of denying how much I long to be refined in a Godly marriage, one filled with children, while also fulfilling His role for me in regards to testifying to a 'proper theology of suffering'
  
• I would be blessed enough to meet the man of my dreams, the man I pray every night that I am able to call my 'husband', so that I will be the only one for the rest of his earthly life to tend to him, to fall under his headship, as he loves me as Christ loves the Church, a man that loves the calling God has on my life and compliments my gift-mix (something desperately needed as the ministry goes forward).
  
• I would get to wake up every day and correspond with people across the world, letting them know it's all about Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my dreams, my hopes, and ultimately my faith.
  
  Lord,
  I love You, not for what You give me but just because of who You are....but in times like this, I can't help but be overwhelmed by Your awesome presence in my life. Every day comes with new challenges, new things I have no idea how to do, but You're always here with me. You never leave me. Keep drawing me closer to Yourself. Burn away the chaff, Father. Cleanse my heart, brand it with Your message for Your people, O Lord. I want to be used, as Isaiah did...take me anywhere, just promise You'll go before me. Not will my, Lord God, but Yours, Abba, be done.
  
  

All I Want....

• All I want is to bring Him glory with every breath that I take
• All I want is to throw off this fallen body full of its sin and infirmities
  
• All I want is not to speak to thousands, although I will if the Lord allows (and He already has) but instead to be able to be fully known (at least as one can be in an earthly sense) and loved like Christ loves the Church by one man and to love him well all the days of my life.
• All I want is to remember the journey and not get so anxious for the destination
• All I want is to see my friends (like Rachel) walk down the isle and marry men who will take care of them and ultimately point them to the Lord for their completion.
• All I want is to continue to be refined, to continue to be crushed down and broken in two so that He can be most fully glorified through me.
• All I want is understanding from those who haven't seemed to realize that I now work out of conviction and not guilt, that I can't say 'yes' to all things -- even if they're for the Kingdom.
  
• All I want is to stand before Jesus and hear 'well done', to not get caught up in legalism but not let complacency ruin my life with Christ, either.
• All I want is to one day be a mother, to give the love of my life a son of his very own, to raise our child in the ways of the Lord and, for now, continue to not only pray for this miracle but BELIEVE that with God all things truly are possible.
• All I want is to see the days of abortion in this country cease, to be able to make people realize that there are millions of couples in the U.S. who desperately long for children and who would much rather take care of these innocent souls than see them killed daily by the thousands.
• All I want is for Jesus to come back and set up His monarchy, where He is Kings of Kings and Lord of Lords and the need for a president or other earthly ruler is no more.
  
• All I want is my glorification but am learning to appreciate my sanctification.
• All I want is to see Jesus face-to-face, the One who died for me.
  

Hosanna In The Highest...

My life could not be more unpredictable, more different than what I had expected if you would have asked me 3 months ago what my summer would have in store...and you know what?

I love it - all of it.

I don't even know where to begin; most of you know small details but only a few know the intimate, raw details of what has been going on.

So, here's a recap of the past few months in summary:

1) The Lord has been opening many doors lately for His glory, causing me to be on the road almost non-stop at times, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!
2) The Lord is asking me to step out of my comfort zone and actually believe that my dreams could come true, meaning in particular that He has placed a man in my life who could very possibly one day - not too far away - be my husband. Writing those words brings a ton of emotions to the surface, but it feels good to finally write them! We are prayerfully considering the Lord's will in our lives and laying our plans and what we want aside; all we really want individually and corporately is His presence, more than anything. There will be much more on that issue in the future, I'm sure. Just know I haven't ever felt more blessed in my life and cannot believe that He has allowed me to share the past few months with a man who loves Him above all else and treats me with nothing but respect, a man who lets me come home from being on the road and just vent, a man who prays over me and prays that one day - with our without him - I will be able to have a biological child with my husband...it's pretty much all just...for ack of better words...breathtaking. *sigh* For now, just please pray for me and for him!
3)The Lord is teaching me so much about Himself! I cannot begin to share with you the spiritual, emotional journey I have been on the past several months, especially since March or so. There has been so many 'ups and downs', emotionally-speaking, but the Lord knows the cry of my heart has not changed: Just to know Him more, Lord, that's all I ask.

Jesus,
I love you, not because of the blessings You have bestowed upon my life the past few months, but because through You IS life. Oh, Father, take this broken vessel and continue to humble me before You, as You glorify Yourself through my words and actions. Teach me to be a servant. Continue to teach us all to get out of the way and just let You move.


For His glory alone,
Amber Nicole Metz

Crucial Ministry Update!

Faithful is He Who is calling you [to Himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping you].
1 Thessalonians 5: 24 (AMP)

Prayer Warriors & Friends:
I know it’s been a long time since you heard from me, but rest-assured, I am still alive! Beyond merely being alive, I am very busy with the ministry with which God has entrusted me. I wanted to write all of you weeks ago to give you more updates on I.C.R.S but just could never find the time. My apologies!

I’ll keep this email as short as possible, but there is EXTREMELY EXCITING news to share! I can’t believe I get to share with all of you what I’m about to say, but the time has come!! Our Lord is so faithful, so willing to use us for His glory, if we’ll just lay down our lives and say ‘Not my will, but Yours be done’. I know this to be true now more than ever.

Before I share, though, here are a few other updates. If you just can’t wait, or are too busy to read, at least scroll down and look at what is highlighted in red! : -)

Moody Bible Institute:
As of August 11^th, I have completed my summer semester through M.B.I and am
looking forward to being done with my Bachelor of Science degree in Biblical Studies Lord-willing in
July of 2009. I will once again be signing up for coursework for the fall; please pray that the Lord sustains me, as I seek to finish around 10.0 hours of school, which will leave 15 hours and an internship left!

International Christian Retail Show – the rest of the recap:

I know I promised more of an update other than the Sat-Sunday one I sent out, but obviously with my hectic school schedule when I got home, that unfortunately never happened. However, just know that the Lord filled my week with divine appointments for His glory, and I am still praying through many encounters I was able to have while in Orlando. I won’t bore all of you with the details! Just keep praying!!!

Now…

UPCOMING SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

• Linesville, P.A. – August 16/17^th

Please pray for me, as I travel with my mentor
to Linesville, P.A. to speak this Sunday, August 17^th.

• Dallas, Texas – August 19/20^th

Life Today with James and Betty Robison!!!
Will be taped August 19^th; date of airing TBA!

I’m not making it up! I couldn’t if I even tried!! Yes, friends, the LORD HAS ANSWERED my prayer of 3 YEARS, and He’s done it in extreme fashion!!!! I just found out yesterday (Aug. 12^th) that I am to fly to Dallas on Tuesday, tape the show Tuesday night, and fly home on Wednesday morning. Isn’t it just like God that I just finished my semester through MBI the 11^th, have only a small gap between this and my next speaking engagement, and have actually been praying that I would hear from Life Today (either if they wanted me on or not) much earlier than anticipated. This, my friends, is MUCH earlier than anticipated!! I was told it could be up to 6 months before I heard from them! Not only have I heard from them, I’m going!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!

I will send out a list of prayer requests for the trip by Tuesday for all of you to pray through. I fall facedown before Jesus, thanking Him for this divine opportunity and responsibility and acknowledge that now I am completely out of my comfort zone and so desperately in need of Him!

· Philly area, PA. – Aug. 22-29^th

Please pray for me, as I go visit my dear friend, Sarah Behn, and her parents; I will be speaking 2-3 times while I am away. Pray, as always, that as I speak, it is His words and not my own!

So, that’s my update!! I’m in just as much shock as all of you! Go GOD! : -) Love you all!! KEEP PRAYING, as the amount of spiritual warfare around me is intensifying, as I prepare for these crucial opportunities to minister to HIS children.

Pray For Tricia!

Everyone:

Please pray for Tricia from CF Husband. This is Nate’s latest post, and it sounds like Tricia is not getting any better. Please pray that this new treatment they’re going to start to try to cure Tricia’s Post-Transplant Limphoproliferative Disorder (what I get tested for every couple months) will be successful for His glory. Also, please pray for her husband Nate, their parents and their precious daughter, Gwyneth, who is also still facing a few difficulties of her own. Check out their website anytime. If you need more background of their story, please go here.

Life Just Got Complicated

Yeah...you might be thinking that our life was already complicated. Well, not to us...at least not until now...

Tricia's lymphoma in her lungs did not respond well to the meds over the past five weeks. In fact, some of the growths are bigger, and there are a few new growths. Only two of the growths are smaller, and none have gone away. That alone was pretty disappointing.

Next, they've decided to keep Tricia overnight until they can come up with a new game plan. Another disappointment (Gwyneth and I will be partying at the hotel by ourselves tonight).

This evening, we met with the oncologist (cancer doctor), who explained that the next step is R plus CHOP. I've been explaining to you that the chemo Tricia had been receiving was not the heavy duty stuff...CHOP is. CHOP is the stuff that you hear about that comes with a lot of potential side affects...nausea, severe headaches, risk of leukemia, hair loss, etc.

Tricia will receive her first treatment tomorrow. If all goes well, she should be released on Thursday (we were planning on heading home Thursday anyway). She'll receive her second treatment in three weeks here at Duke. A few weeks after that second treatment, they'll reevaluate to determine if the cancer is responding as hoped for. If so, she'll receive four additional treatments every three weeks, for a total of six over the next eighteen weeks.

If, after the first two treatments, her cancer is not responding, Tricia is in serious trouble.

Each treatment lasts several hours, and immediate side affects include the nausea, headaches, etc. Because of Tricia's other current health issues and medications (which I'll discuss at a later time), this entire process is a lot trickier than it normally would be if she was only facing cancer (not to diminish anyone who is "only" facing cancer...that alone is nothing to laugh at).

Needless to say, we're both very bummed tonight. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm sure we'll be more optimistic, but tonight we're very discouraged. We continue to trust God, believing that, regardless of what lies ahead over the next few months, He is in control and knows what is best for us, but we're feeling rather beat up.

Blessed be the Lord
day after day he carries us along.
He's our Savior, our God, oh yes!
He's God-for-us,
He's God-who-saves-us.
Lord God knows all
death's ins and outs.

Psalm 68:19, 20 (The Message)

Nate

BTW...Gwyneth had an appointment today and has another tomorrow...I'll update you on her status later tomorrow. Thanks

Pray For Tricia!

Everyone:

Please pray for Tricia from CF Husband. This is Nate’s latest post, and it sounds like Tricia is not getting any better. Please pray that this new treatment they’re going to start to try to cure Tricia’s Post-Transplant Limphoproliferative Disorder (what I get tested for every couple months) will be successful for His glory. Also, please pray for her husband Nate, their parents and their precious daughter, Gwyneth, who is also still facing a few difficulties of her own. Check out their website anytime. If you need more background of their story, please go here.

Life Just Got Complicated

Yeah...you might be thinking that our life was already complicated. Well, not to us...at least not until now...

Tricia's lymphoma in her lungs did not respond well to the meds over the past five weeks. In fact, some of the growths are bigger, and there are a few new growths. Only two of the growths are smaller, and none have gone away. That alone was pretty disappointing.

Next, they've decided to keep Tricia overnight until they can come up with a new game plan. Another disappointment (Gwyneth and I will be partying at the hotel by ourselves tonight).

This evening, we met with the oncologist (cancer doctor), who explained that the next step is R plus CHOP. I've been explaining to you that the chemo Tricia had been receiving was not the heavy duty stuff...CHOP is. CHOP is the stuff that you hear about that comes with a lot of potential side affects...nausea, severe headaches, risk of leukemia, hair loss, etc.

Tricia will receive her first treatment tomorrow. If all goes well, she should be released on Thursday (we were planning on heading home Thursday anyway). She'll receive her second treatment in three weeks here at Duke. A few weeks after that second treatment, they'll reevaluate to determine if the cancer is responding as hoped for. If so, she'll receive four additional treatments every three weeks, for a total of six over the next eighteen weeks.

If, after the first two treatments, her cancer is not responding, Tricia is in serious trouble.

Each treatment lasts several hours, and immediate side affects include the nausea, headaches, etc. Because of Tricia's other current health issues and medications (which I'll discuss at a later time), this entire process is a lot trickier than it normally would be if she was only facing cancer (not to diminish anyone who is "only" facing cancer...that alone is nothing to laugh at).

Needless to say, we're both very bummed tonight. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm sure we'll be more optimistic, but tonight we're very discouraged. We continue to trust God, believing that, regardless of what lies ahead over the next few months, He is in control and knows what is best for us, but we're feeling rather beat up.

Blessed be the Lord
day after day he carries us along.
He's our Savior, our God, oh yes!
He's God-for-us,
He's God-who-saves-us.
Lord God knows all
death's ins and outs.

Psalm 68:19, 20 (The Message)

Nate

BTW...Gwyneth had an appointment today and has another tomorrow...I'll update you on her status later tomorrow. Thanks

ICRS 2008

ICRS 2008: Before I go…
I wanted to give you all a short update before I head off to ICRS! If you remember, this is the conference I first mentioned at the beginning of the year. I am very thankful to those gracious individuals who have partnered with me in praying for and ultimately financing this trip!!! One of my best friends, Annie, and I fly out of Detroit in route to Orlando early Saturday morning; the conference itself begins Sunday, July 13^th, and runs through Thursday, July 17^th. I am amazed at the opportunities the Lord has afforded me while I am there. If you would have told me three years ago that I would be in this position, I would have told you that you were crazy.

Because I know many of you like to know more specific ways you can pray for me, I have attached media confirmations for T.V. interviews, and on radio interview, while I am away.
You will notice that one of them is with Life Today. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have been praying for 3 years for an opportunity to meet with someone from that particular ministry. I will not be meeting with James & Betty Robison, at least not at this point, but will have an interview with one of their producers, Sharon Elmore. If they “like” me, I will be invited onto the program at a later date. Please pray that the Lord is glorified through the interview, no matter what the outcome of it.

Other things to pray for while I am away:

• ABOVE ALL FOR GOD TO GET ALL THE GLORY FOR EVERYTHING THAT OCCURS @ ICRS!!!!
• WISDOM - I could use it in every area of my life, as could we all!
• My health – it’s going to be a long, stressful week; please pray for physical, mental and emotional strength to run the Race the Lord has set before me the next 5 days.
• Ministry odds & ends - please pray for me, as I work things out with accountants regarding getting that IRS tax emption! It’s a slow, tedious process!
• Saturday – Please pray that the flight goes well, that we get from the airport to our hotel and settled in for the long week ahead!
• Sunday – Please pray for me as I attend the ‘International Vision Celebration’ to pitch my message/book to international publishers
• Sunday – PRAISE: I get to finally meet the crew from Winepress after years of just email/phone correspondence!
• Monday - Please be in prayer for my interview with Meri Crouley @ 8:40am.
• Monday – Please be in prayer for my interview with “Body Builders” @ 10:30am
• Tuesday – PLEASE PRAY for that interview with Life Today @ 10:30am
• Tuesday – Please pray for my book signing @ 1:30pm
• Wednesday – Please pray for Annie and I as we spend our time NETWORKING!
• Thursday – Please pray for me as I interview with Moody Radio @ 8:30am
• Thursday – Please pray for me as I interview with “The Good Life” @ 10:00am
• Friday – Please pray for Annie and I as we travel back to the airport in Detroit, MI. and then home!

Before I forget: those wondering about my WBCL INTERVIEW

Click here and then go to the Thursday, July 3^rd show. If you’d like to get to my portion of the interview, you’ll have to fast-forward around 35 minutes or so. If you have any questions/problems, please email me!!

Above all, Thank YOU for your prayers and support!! We certainly can’t do this without you!!! J

A Realization...

What I just told my best friend, Annie...

A Realization...

use me Father (12:22:32 AM): and I'm growing and changing...

use me Father (12:22:54 AM): and Im learning it's okay to admit that I'm not always 100% happy with my current situation

use me Father (12:23:01 AM): that I love Jesus, yet I long for the Full Redemption

use me Father (12:23:22 AM): that I love my calling,and wouldn't trade what I've been through for ANYTHING, yet at times I don't feel whole...

use me Father (12:23:25 AM): and I'm not supposed to...

use me Father (12:23:32 AM): because we don't belong here in this fallen world

use me Father (12:23:38 AM): and admitting that doesn't mean I don't love Jesus

use me Father (12:23:49 AM): or that I can't be a spokesperson for a proper theology of suffering

use me Father (12:23:57 AM): it just makes me a better candidate to do it

Lord, I really am learning, aren't I?

With or Without You...

With or without you....
I am finally understanding who I am in Christ and loving every minute of it.
With or without you...
I know "it's okay" (in a lot of ways)..and not just in my head but in my heart.
With or without you...
I know to what and to whom I am called and am living in it in absolute freedom.
With or without you...
I am going to live the rest of my life out of conviction and not out of guilt.
With or without you...
I know that because I am whole-heartedly seeking HIS WILL above all else, God truly does want to give me the desires of my heart, not just 95% of them but all of them.
With or without you...
I'm dealing with my demons and casting them all at His feet, every single one of them.
With or without you...
I'm taking off the masks I didn't even know I wore and untangling the baggage that comes with them.
With or without you...
I am thankful we took the gamble and learning once again how to WAIT upon the Lord.
With or without you...
I have been changed forever, and for that, I thank you.

Haley Palmer and Tim Russert

Haley Palmer, a twelve-year old, beautiful young girl with CF who was awaiting a transplant, passed away today. You can visit her family's website here.

Tim Russert, the standard for serious journalism, died today, as well. I've always followed Mr. Russert's career and deeply admired his abilities. I actually had a dream a few months that Tim Russert passed away, so one can imagine my shock when I learned about 3:00pm that my dream had come true. All of this has me thinking about a lot of things...and in the midst of it all, I all know is that no matter what I'm doing, I want to it well, as unto the Lord...and maybe, just maybe, the journalist within me isn't done yet. I may never be a Katie Couric, but I do have a lot left within me, that if properly harnessed, can impact the world for Christ. I've already seen it happen in the past; we all know it's happening now through Breathtaking, and I think there's even more to it all than I knew before today.

Father,
Show me your wisdom....all I want is YOU.

Amber

P.S. Vacation is going well...lots to think about.

A New Beginning...

....To live is Christ and to die is gain.

I must remember that, even when my schedule seems impossible, my desires try to overwhelm me and my enemies try to discourage me.

Father,
Thank you for fresh beginnings, for new starts, for time with You.

*If y'all comment and let me know that you actually read this thing, I'll start writing longer, more personal posts, I promise.

I need You, oh I need You.
Every hour, I need You.
Oh bless me now my Savior,
I come to You.