No One Ever Told Me...

No One Ever Told Me....

• 3 years after my transplant, I would be living a life I could have only dreamed, and better yet, completely in the center of God's will in doing so.
  
• My 'pipe dream', as it was named, of me being on Life Today would become a reality after 3 years of fasting/praying and honestly sometimes doubting it would happen. THANK YOU, LORD!
  
• That starting a ministry was going to be this much of an emotional roller coaster
• That I could have a love-hate relationship with my visionary spirit, a spirit that just wasn't content with writing Breathtaking but now is calling me to more
  
• That I would have dreams in my sleep about doing administrative tasks after I spent a whole day doing so in real life
• That my biggest weaknesses (aka administrative duties) would be turned into semi-strengths not because I want to work on them but because I have no choice!
  
• That getting federal tax-exemption status is emotionally-taxing, especially for one who would rather just sit and dream up ideas instead of actually having to be the one to not only come up with the vision but also implement it, as well
• That I would be given the opportunity to really see my crazy dreams come true, that the responsibility in doing so would be so humbling and exhilarating at the same time
• That the Lord would choose to use me in such an awesome way for His Kingdom, and in doing so, teach me that wanting to my hidden (until the past few months) desires to just be a wife and mom and not necessarily to speak to the masses is just as God-honoring and refining as if I'm on the road 365 days a year.
• I would have to re-learn at 22 yrs. of age that God really does love me not for what I do for Him but instead because I just love Him and long to devote my entire life to Him, that I would have to daily remind myself that my works don't save or sanctify me
  
• I may really could have BOTH a family of my own and a ministry - that I don't have to pick, that God can get glory out of me doing both instead of denying how much I long to be refined in a Godly marriage, one filled with children, while also fulfilling His role for me in regards to testifying to a 'proper theology of suffering'
  
• I would be blessed enough to meet the man of my dreams, the man I pray every night that I am able to call my 'husband', so that I will be the only one for the rest of his earthly life to tend to him, to fall under his headship, as he loves me as Christ loves the Church, a man that loves the calling God has on my life and compliments my gift-mix (something desperately needed as the ministry goes forward).
  
• I would get to wake up every day and correspond with people across the world, letting them know it's all about Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my dreams, my hopes, and ultimately my faith.
  
  Lord,
  I love You, not for what You give me but just because of who You are....but in times like this, I can't help but be overwhelmed by Your awesome presence in my life. Every day comes with new challenges, new things I have no idea how to do, but You're always here with me. You never leave me. Keep drawing me closer to Yourself. Burn away the chaff, Father. Cleanse my heart, brand it with Your message for Your people, O Lord. I want to be used, as Isaiah did...take me anywhere, just promise You'll go before me. Not will my, Lord God, but Yours, Abba, be done.
  
  

All I Want....

• All I want is to bring Him glory with every breath that I take
• All I want is to throw off this fallen body full of its sin and infirmities
  
• All I want is not to speak to thousands, although I will if the Lord allows (and He already has) but instead to be able to be fully known (at least as one can be in an earthly sense) and loved like Christ loves the Church by one man and to love him well all the days of my life.
• All I want is to remember the journey and not get so anxious for the destination
• All I want is to see my friends (like Rachel) walk down the isle and marry men who will take care of them and ultimately point them to the Lord for their completion.
• All I want is to continue to be refined, to continue to be crushed down and broken in two so that He can be most fully glorified through me.
• All I want is understanding from those who haven't seemed to realize that I now work out of conviction and not guilt, that I can't say 'yes' to all things -- even if they're for the Kingdom.
  
• All I want is to stand before Jesus and hear 'well done', to not get caught up in legalism but not let complacency ruin my life with Christ, either.
• All I want is to one day be a mother, to give the love of my life a son of his very own, to raise our child in the ways of the Lord and, for now, continue to not only pray for this miracle but BELIEVE that with God all things truly are possible.
• All I want is to see the days of abortion in this country cease, to be able to make people realize that there are millions of couples in the U.S. who desperately long for children and who would much rather take care of these innocent souls than see them killed daily by the thousands.
• All I want is for Jesus to come back and set up His monarchy, where He is Kings of Kings and Lord of Lords and the need for a president or other earthly ruler is no more.
  
• All I want is my glorification but am learning to appreciate my sanctification.
• All I want is to see Jesus face-to-face, the One who died for me.