"I Will Rise"

I didn't want to go to church today. Well, let me clarify -- my church. I had planned all week not to go, to avoid the inevitable....but God saw it otherwise and convinced (after a 20 minute argument with Him, which He won, as always) me to go. I'm so thankful He did. Oh, how the Lord is always up to something.

I was thinking about a song this morning by Chris Tomlin called I Will Rise and then found out in Sunday School that we would be singing that very same song in the main service, the song Jesus used to prompt me to face my fears and worship where I have for 23 years.

The song goes like this:

I Will Rise
Verse 1:

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an Anchor for my soul
I can say, it is well

Pre-Chorus:
Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

Verse 2:
There's a day that's drawing near
when this darkness breaks to light
and the shadows disappear
and my faith shall be my eyes

Chorus:
And I will rise
when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise

Bridge:
And I hear the voice of many angels sing
Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the cry of every longing heart
Worthy is the Lamb!

And I hear the voice of many angels sing
Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the cry of every longing heart
Worthy is the Lamb!
You are worthy! You are worthy!
Worthy is the Lamb!

Final Chorus:
I will rise
when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise....
I will rise....
______________________________

I can't begin to explain to you how healing that song was for me. The past couple of days, I have been learning that sitting around and counting down the days until some supposed decision is made is not productive. No, I still don't have a say in which way the decision will go, but I do have a say in what I do with my time in the meantime. I can either sit here and pine, or I can do something greater, something that will take every thing within me -- I can let it go.

No, I don't know how to do that at this point. I am not saying that I am denying my emotions or acting as if I no longer care. Far from the case. Wouldn't you care if it was your life? I thought so. Acting as if whatever is decided does not matter to me is not what I am talking about. It does matter to me. It always will, one way or another...but there's something greater in me that matters, my desire to conform my will to His.

After all, Oswald Chambers once said, "The most profound thing in a person is his will, not his sin." So, I ask you (and myself), what is my will striving after? Is it the Lord? Is it a diamond ring? Is it my degree through Moody...or is it Jesus Christ and His presence? I learned four years ago that my life is not in my control, yet somehow, there are times I still think it is. There are times I think I can will things to happen. I do have a strong will, after all, right? Well, yes, but last time I checked, God was still sovereign over that will and commanding that I conform it to His.

As I do this, I join the chorus that sings "Worthy is the Lamb", as the song says. The times I am stubborn and prideful and long to will my own life into place, I am not being obedient. I am just flat-out being sinful and full of nasty, Holy Spirit-hindering pride. I don't want to live that way, no matter if I live alone the rest of my life or not.

I pose to myself (and you) the same question Oswald Chambers posed to his readers so long ago and follow it up with his statement that goes with the question:

"Do I believe that Almighty God is the Source of my will?
God not only expects me to do His will, but He is in me to do it."

Amen.